The Real Manny Part II: Even Mannier.

Here's some more of Manny's greatest hits.

BACON EATING PORK

We're watching the South Park season 2 DVDs one day because we were bored and South Park is a great show. During one of the intros to one of the episodes, Parker and Stone are talking while a pig eats a plate of bacon. So Manny, the great commentator that he is, yells out "Hey, that bacon is eating pork!"

THE GUY ASSISTANT





















THE GUY AT WORK

We are all incredibly lazy at our apartment, so it is rare that one of us cooks. It is especially rare nowadays since we do not have a working freezer, but rather a small refrigerator and a large device that keeps things cool.

So it was especially odd when I walked out of my room to see Manny cooking one day.

And it was even odder because Manny was cooking a feast. He had a big pot of meat going, a pot of rice, some tortilla shells on the counter, and he was on the phone with his sister asking for tips on what to do. When Manny cooks, he usually makes something simple, like Hot Dogs or Tortillas with Peanut Butter, and on rare occasions, he cooks some beef or chicken teriyaki. Because I thought this was strange, I asked him "Hey, why are you cooking so much food?"

"Oh, I'm cooking for this guy at work."

I thought this was very odd, who the hell cooks for a guy at work?

"You're cooking for a guy at work?"

"Yeah, this guy at work told me that I can't cook, so I'm going come in and prove that I can."

Now I'm as competitive as anyone I know. But if a guy, any guy, for some reason, said, "Hey, I bet you can't cook." I certainly wouldn't cook for him. Why? Because I don't care that much about what other guys think of my cooking skills. But Manny does, apparently. There's nothing wrong with that though, sometimes it's fun to watch two people flirt with one another.

Actually, it isn't that fun at all. Only when Manny does it unintentionally (intentionally?).

I also think it's funny that Manny was so hell bent on proving to this guy that he could cook, he called his sister and asked her how to cook.

PUCKER UP GENTLEMEN

I've known Manny for many years now, but this one might be the hardest I've laughed at him. Ever.

HE WENT TO A GAY BAR (the new Gay Manny)...

The funny thing about this post is that I was back-handed insulting Manny the entire night, saying that Tarik was the new Gay Manny because he wouldn't go to a free show with me. He obviously didn't get it, because the first thing Manny does when he gets home is tell Tarik, "You're the new Gay Manny!"

...BUT HE'S NOT THAT GAY

One night, Manny and I were getting on the subway to head over to the movie theater. We were both listening to our iPods, because to be honest, we don't like talking to each other that much.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see Manny do some sort of dance. I have never seen Manny dance before, and it is not pretty. It's like watching a gorilla killing a bee. It may not be the worst thing I have ever seen, but it's close.

Actually, it probably is the worst thing I've ever seen.

I asked him "What the fuck was that?"

Manny, a little embarassed, responded "Oh, nothing. I was just practicing my Heisman."

That sort of made sense. "Oh, okay. I thought you were voguing for a second."

Manny looked at me dismissively and said "Come on, I'm not that gay."

I can't do any of these stories justice. Like most inside-jokes, none of these are probably as funny unless you know Manny himself. There are characters, and then there are CHARACTERS. Manny, for all his stupidity and gayness and seriousness, belongs in the second category.