The Apartment Championship

We live in a democratic apartment, so a couple months ago, we voted on whether or not we should have a battle to determine who the official apartment champion is. Manny has held the title of unofficial apartment champion all year, because we had initially decided that in an actual sanctioned fight against either of us he would win by disqualification. But now it was time to make the championship official. Because we live in a democratic system, we decided to hold a historic vote to determine whether or not there would be a battle to determine the apartment championship.

Tarik and I voted yes, because we felt that this was a good activity to hold at the apartment and also because we wanted a chance to mercilessly crush Manny. Manny, of course, voted NO, because he is not a fighting champion. Unfortunately for Manny, we have a democratic system where the majority decides the agenda, and the majority had spoken. There would be a fight, a joust if you will, and that joust would take place on Mexican Independence Day. The battle was to be held on Sunday. Unfortunately, I had to go home because it was my sister's birthday, Tarik was hanging out with his brother, and Manny had to work at Home Depot, so we could not fight.

However, we were able to reschedule the fight for yesterday.

I was talking to Tarik in his room, and Manny walked over to our side of the apartment as he tends to do, and I determined that he was ready to enter the joust. So I got into my ninja stance and struck Manny in the stomach with all my might. The great beast staggered backwards into the kitchen, surprised that I was actually ready to attack him, even though I punch Manny pretty much every day. I hit Manny in the shoulder and asked if he was ready to fight for the apartment championship, but he retreated into his room. I thought that I had won by forfeit, and I raised my hands in victory.

Only Manny opened the door to his room.

I got into my kung fu stance and punched Manny in the shoulder again, it looked like he didn't want to fight, but he wasn't retreating. Tarik, obviously wanting to fight Manny instead of me, yelled out encouragement to Manny, telling him to do a crane kick. I pictured Danny LaRusso's stupid face and I pushed Manny against the wall, ready to end the battle with a well timed punch to his face and claim the apartment championship for my own.

And then Manny got into fighting position and let out a primal scream.

It was a scream that shook heaven and earth. It was a scream that moved mountains. It was a scream that uprooted trees. It was a scream that sent ocean waves crashing into the land, destroying all in its path. It was a scream that melted ice caps. It was a scream that could freeze the desert. It was a scream that I had never heard before, and a scream that I hope to never hear again.

I admit, I started laughing, but in reality, I was terrified. I looked over at Tarik, and he was laughing, but I could tell that he was afraid as well. I looked at Manny, and he was laughing, but I sensed that there was Serious Manny lurking behind that high-pitched, girlish giggle. And I ran into my room and slammed the door.

And so Manny is officially apartment champion.